ANXIETY: CRUSHER OF DREAMS, DESTROYER OF HAPPINESS
It’s amazing what even the smallest amount of support can do for someone. I recently told my husband how much of a hard time I was having getting through the day. In that moment I felt like my dreams were slipping away.
However, I don’t believe he truly understood how much stress I was under at work. Add in my anxiety issues and I was falling apart.
The really great thing is, after talking about it, he realized I needed more support. He’s since been trying to help more.
The great thing is this one small gesture,
How was your day?”
changed everything. Not only did he start asking the question daily, he also asked before telling me about his day. You know what is better than that? He actually listened to the answer.
A Small Gesture Can Turn the World Around
Seems small and petty, but it was a game changer.
Once I start feeling like he doesn’t care, I start having anxiety about whether he does cares at all.
It’s crazy because he has medical issues AND PTSD. I know the way my mind process information is madness.
If I could turn off the crazy thought process I would.
The truth is, over the years I’ve improved immensely.
At least now I’m not totally co-dependent. I most certainly cannot say that’s always been true.
At times, I even enjoy going places alone. Sometimes.
Anyway, now that he’s started to help and show interest it’s wonderful. When I look at the kitchen, even if it’s not perfect, what I see is that he tried. He put me first.
It shows me he cares. Which, I know he does but my mind plays a nasty game with me. Despite knowing he cares, I start having crazy thoughts like no one does. I do try to re-center myself. After all, I know he’s tired. He has his own crap to deal with. He certainly doesn’t need mine too.
But there I am. Psychologically abusing myself.
Seeing the signs of caring helps me stop the crappie thoughts. Knowing he cares, apparently, isn’t enough.
The truly hard part is, I know he needs an outlet for dealing with his PTSD and if he could help he would. But for some reason my inner brat doesn’t care. She keeps telling me he doesn’t care.
I guess when I see what he’s done it’s easier for me to squash the nasty inner monologue.
I just wish I could turn the anxiety off. Stop feeling so anxious about everything and enjoy life.
Ideas for squashing damaging thoughts?!?!