Family Madness – Things that Make You Go HMMMMMM
Things That Make You Go HMMMM
It’s crazy what life throws at us. At one point or another in my life I’ve thought I knew a thing or two about myself. Even my family as a whole. After all, the experiences we’ve shared as a family make us who we are. From a young child into adulthood, family experiences shape us. We learn who we are. What happens though when the meaning of life that has been ingrained into us since child hood changes? When it changes the very fabric of our identity. What happens when a person wakes up and realizes, everything is a lie?
Since Ron and I came to Florida this week many of the ideas I held to be true have changed. I’m happy to say that my dad is out of the hospital. As of now, it would seem he will make a full recovery. Provided he listens to the doctors. We will have to see if that happens. Since my family is very private, I’ll leave it at that.
Reconnecting With My Sister
While my sister and I have not been close over the years, I think we understand each other a little better. Understanding the family dynamic to the full extent assists me in taking an objective look at reality. There is no telling how many times either of us has said, this is unreal. What is happening? Whose parents are they? As I said, sometimes a person wakes up and realizes what they thought they knew about themselves is wrong. Is it possible the memories we have are actually our best versions of what happened. I just sit here wondering, have I been blinded my entire life?
I guess what I’m saying is, where do I go from here? How do I move forward? To what context do I apply any future reasoning? Based on the conclusions I’ve drawn this week I know the proper margins to add. For example if a blood sugar is 110, in actuality it’s probably 165. Assumingly, knowing the information that is being told to me is a half-truth, helps me to understand my story. I’ve learned I cannot always count on those I love to tell me the truth. Perhaps they think they are helping me by not causing me to worry. In hindsight I can say this, it doesn’t matter. Personally all I hear is the lie. No amount of justification will make me feel any better.
Being that Ron and I are leaving Florida in a couple of days to return to Texas, I guess I can say I know where I stand. As a child, the truth will not be given to me. I can live with that. While I’m stunned at the deception, I also realize this may have been reality all along. Perhaps I’ve been on the outside the entire time. Perhaps it’s cold, but I can’t worry about it too much. After all, what am I really worrying about? I don’t have the truth and I certainly am not going to give myself an ulcer trying to analyze the little information I have.
Crippled By Being A Smoker
My dad is a smoker. Has been for 45-50 years. I can hope until we are blue in the face. Kick and stomp like a child while I hope it will change. The family is hopeful. I am not. I know he won’t change. Why? Because I am exactly like him. I’m not going to do anything that will put me in a grave. However, once my dad’s mind is made up, no one will change it. Ultimately, what he considers “happiness” none of us can change. His reality is his reality.
In some ways I do feel bad. The amount of times I’ve uttered, “Now you don’t have to worry about it” or “Now you don’t live there, so it’s not your problem” is appalling. Certainly I wouldn’t say I’m proud of my behavior. I can’t help it though. This week is the closest to the term insanity that is physically possible. I want to bang my head on the wall. I’m exhausted. Ron’s exhausted. My sister’s family is most certainly exhausted. We keep staring at each other wondering what is going on.
Lastly, Ron and I will accept the fate handed to us. Why? Because we don’t have a choice. Unfortunately, minds are made up. No amount of reasoning will change anything. Minds are set. The wheels of fate in motion.